


When Hank Met Scully

by Amorfati32



Series: When Hank Met [1]
Category: Californication (TV), The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amorfati32/pseuds/Amorfati32
Summary: Dana Scully walks into a bar...where Hank Moody is waiting.





	When Hank Met Scully

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Memento Mori and Never Again

She seems him the moment she enters the bar, perched on a stool by the counter, knocking back a whiskey on the rocks. The sight of him stops her short; she’d left him barely fifteen minutes ago, wanting to seek refuge to seethe in silence before she said something else he’d later regret, and now he’d beaten her to her refuge. Bastard. 

She’s tempted to turn on her heel and leave the bar but his head turns and his eyes register her presence. Just her luck, she thinks to herself, as he lifts his glass towards her and smirks. But he can’t win her over that easily, and before she loses her courage she takes a deep breath and marches over towards him, ready to give him a piece of her mind. Again. But as she nears him, realization dawns on her, and by the time she reaches the bar all of her anger has disappeared. “You’re not Mulder.”

The gentleman, not Mulder, looks momentarily puzzled before regaining his composure. “Would you like me to be?”

“I’m sorry,” Scully apologizes, remembering her manners. “It’s just you look like someone I know.”

“That old line.” Not Mulder now appears amused, and gestures to the empty bar stool next to him. “The old ones work the best I find.”

“No, you really do. It’s uncanny actually.”

“Actually, it’s Hank,” the man replies, reaching out to shake Scully’s hand. Her body gravitates to the stool next to him, despite her brain telling her to leave immediately. Conversations with strangers in bars can be dangerous, she tells herself. Conversations in bars can lead to one-night stands and tattoos, along with a partner who can barely look her in the eye right now.

“What can I get you?” Hank asks, smirking to himself as she sits next to him, raising his eyebrow in challenge. Scully knows he’s not just asking about a drink, and for a second she briefly considers his question. “I’ll have what you’re having,” she replies, licking her lips unconsciously, her eyes darting down as Hank shifts on the stool. 

“With soda, or…?”

“On the rocks.”

“Must have been a bad day,” Hank comments as he gestures to the barman and then repeats Scully’s order, ordering another for himself. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Scully replies as their drinks are set down in front of them. She raises her glass in thanks and takes a swig of the drink. The whiskey burns the back of her throat as she swallows, but she doesn’t let it show. 

“Something to do with my identical twin?” Hank persists. “Or was that really a chat-up line, because if it was, first of all you don’t have to try so hard with me, and secondly, why are we wasting time sitting round here?”

Despite herself, Scully smiles. “He’s my partner.”

“Partner as in work partner, or partner as in I know his sex face very well?”

“Just work partners.”

“Just? Do I detect a hint of longing there?”

She ignores him. “FBI partners, back in DC.”

“You’re in the FBI?” Scully nods. “Are you hiding handcuffs on you, because I’m open to possibilities.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So what brings you here?”

“We’re on a case.”

“I mean to this bar.”

Sighing heavily, Scully takes another drink. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Guy trouble?”

“Tell me about yourself.”

“I’ve got a daughter who hates me, a baby momma who doesn’t want to know me, and I’m already thinking about you in those handcuffs,” he says quickly, before returning to her. “So it is guy trouble? Let me guess, my FBI doppelganger. I’m right, aren’t I?” He was and they both knew it. “Well, let me just say this. Whatever he’s done, he’s an idiot for letting you walk out dressed in that skirt and come to this bar to be seduced by me.”

Scully shook her head and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Mr…?”

“Moody, but you can call me Hank. Most people do, although they tend to say it in a more exasperated tone.”

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“What are you doing in this bar?”

“I come here all the time.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

As she finishes off the whiskey, Scully feels it starting to take effect and giggles. “That was bad.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot. You like the old lines.” Reaching into his left pocket, Hank retrieves some change and places a quarter on the bar in front of her. “Here’s a quarter. Go call your partner and tell him you’re coming home with me tonight.” He smiles as Scully laughs once more.

“Has that ever worked for you?”

“I’ll be honest with you….?”

“Dana.”

“Dana, I like it. Dana sounds too sweet to be a mean FBI agent fighting the bad guys.”

“And aliens.”

“And…” Hank looks confused. “What?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Well Dana…” God, he even sounds like Mulder, Scully thinks to herself. “I never usually need to resort to pick-up lines.”

“What do you usually do?” 

“Normally I just shoot women a charming grin…” He demonstrates. “…and say “Hi, I’m Hank Moody,” and it’s job done.” He reaches out to shake Scully’s hand. “Hi, I’m Hank Moody.” He pauses, his smile widening. “You’re tempted, I can tell.”

Scully opens her mouth to speak, to thank him for the drink and tell him she should be going, but Hank interrupts her thoughts. “Let me guess, you’re more tempted by Mr ‘We’re just Partners’ aren’t you?”

“It’s not like that?”

“Are you telling me, or yourself?” He smiles as Scully gestures to the barman to refill their now empty glasses. 

“Mulder and I aren’t together.”

“Mulder?” Hank grimaces. “What kind of a name is that?”

“Fox Mulder.”

“Fox? Are you fucking with me?”

Scully laughs. “That’s his name.”

“God, his parents must have hated him.”

Her smile suddenly fades and Scully busies herself as the barman approaches with their drinks. “So I’m thinking you guys had an argument this evening, said some things you shouldn’t have, and rather than work out your issues with the naked pretzel, you stormed out to get drunk.”

“Something like that.”

“What did you argue about?”

“You’re inquisitive Mr Moody, I’ll give you that. You’d made a good FBI agent.”

“I get it, you want to get into my pants Dana, but tell me the story first. Or we could go back to my place and you could tell me as we bathe in our post-coital glow.”

“Fine,” Scully replies, and she can tell Hank isn’t quite sure which option she’s agreeing to. “We argued over a case,” she explains. “At least that’s how it started.”

“And?” Hank chews on an ice cube and for a second Scully is distracted. It would be so easy to give in and go home with this man, but she knows it would cause her even more problems going forward. “And?” 

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time. The only other place I’m planning on being tonight is inside y…-”

“No.”

“Sorry.” He grins, not looking the slightest bit sorry at all.

“Things have been tense between us lately.”

“Tense? In what way?”

“I umm…I recently did something he didn’t agree with.”

She’s vague, but Hank seems to understand. “You slept with his best friend?”

“Not quite.”

“His brother?”

“Again, not quite.”

“But someone who isn’t him.”

Scully nods sheepishly. “It didn’t mean anything. I was on a case and had some drinks and a tattoo.”

“A tattoo? Where?”

“It…it was just a one-time thing.”

“I’m intrigued about this tattoo.”

“Drop it Hank.”

“Gotcha. So anyway, he found out?”

“Yes. And so tonight we were arguing about work, but then it got personal.” Too personal. Insults were traded and then Mulder brought up Ed Jerse once again. His digs were too much to take, and before Scully could stop herself she’d lifted her hand and slapped her partner round the face. Mortified, she then rushed out of his motel room and walked…walked and walked until she came across this bar, and Hank. 

“Are you sure you’re just work partners?”

She takes another drink. The whiskey is loosening her tongue now. “There may have been a time when I thought there would have been something more.”

“But not now?”

Scully curses herself inwardly for pouring her heart out to yet another stranger, thinking about the last time she did so just a few short weeks ago. How much has changed since then, she ponders sadly. But then again, she knows she won’t be seeing Hank again after this evening, and it’s not like she has anyone else she can confide in. “I’m sick.” It’s the first time she’s said it out loud, and for a second she’s fearful she shouted out loud. 

Hank looks at her, really looks at her, and so Scully busies herself with her drink. “I take it you don’t mean you have the flu.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“He knows?”

“Not yet. I don’t want to tell him until I’ve had the test results back.”

“So you might not be sick?”

“No, I am.” She sighs. “Besides, I don’t want Mulder’s pity. Or yours.”

“Hey, you had me at “you look like someone I know.” At most it would be say….a two percent pity fuck, ninety eight percent sleeping with you because you’re hot.”

Suddenly Scully polishes off the rest of her drink. “Ok,” she says suddenly, surprising them both.

“Ok?”

“Let’s go.”

“Really? The pity fuck line worked?”

“Shut up Hank.”

Scully gets to her feet unsteadily and Hank follows suit. “Do you want to go back to my place? Or we can head back to your hotel room so that lover boy can hear…”

But Scully stops listening, and her attention is now focused on the door. Hank follows her gaze and comes face to face with someone who looks a lot like…well, him.

“Fuck me,” he exclaims as the man, Mulder he presumes, approaches Dana.

“Scully,” he greets her, almost breathlessly. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” He stops, having suddenly registered the fact she and Hank look as though they’re about to leave together. “Oh,” he says, disappointment evident in his voice. “I don’t mean to interrupt.”

Scully says nothing, but Hank springs into action. “Dana here was just leaving to find you,” he explains. “I was just boring her with my woes while I wait for my baby momma to come and pick me up.” Mulder looks as though he’s about to call bullshit, so Hank continues. “I’m just on my way to the little boy’s room. Or big boy’s room,” he adds, winking at Scully, who blushes. 

“It was lovely to meet you Hank,” she says, reaching out to shake his hand. “And good luck.”

“Same to you Mrs FBI.”

Nodding at her partner, realizing they need to talk somewhere quieter than the bar, Scully begins to move towards the door. Before Mulder can follow her, Hank grabs hold of him, pulling him back for a quiet word. “Nothing happened,” he assures the other man. “It wasn’t for lack of trying. She wasn’t interested,” Hank adds. “Apparently there’s someone else on the radar. Someone who looks a lot like me.” He shakes his head, as though he can’t quite believe it himself. “She’s a good woman. Don’t fuck it up Mr FBI. And for fucks sake find out where she got that tattoo.” He pats Mulder on the back, a little too hard in warning, and then walks off towards the bathroom, while the two FBI agents head out of the bar to talk.


End file.
